This past week I finished another of what I could call a life changing book. I may be overreacting a little bit, but honestly this book had some amazing points that I hope to remember for the rest of my life. The book “Happiness is a Choice You Make” written by John Leland is about lessons from “the oldest old.” It was a book that just made me smile and also made me think. But most importantly it made me want to change and be able to experience what they described before I was 90. I wish I could share everything with you that I loved about the book – but in my case that would be almost every page, so I suggest spending the $10 on Amazon for it. I tried to narrow down some of my favorite points, and I’ll be honest it was hard. Here are some of the main topics I found: 1. Focus on What Is Rather than What Might Be or What Was We have the opportunity to focus on what we’ve lost, what we could have, or on what we have now so why not focus on what is right in front of us? The elders in this book made their lives based on what is rather than what might be. Fred was an elder in the book and he made a great point that I really loved. “See that’s not happiness… happiness to me is what’s happening now. Not the next world; it’s not the dance you’re going to tonight. If you’re not happy at the present time, then you’re not happy. Some people say I get that new fur coat for the winter, or get myself a new automobile, I’ll be happy then. But you don’t know what’s going to happen by that time. Right now, are you happy?... Fred found fulfilment in the present, because the future might not come” (29). I loved this point because it is so true no matter what your age is. We can’t assume the future we planned or hoped for ourselves is going to come so we need to use what we have now and find happiness within that. 2. Find Ways to Thrive in Your Current Circumstances The book had so much on this, and I really connected it. One elder had to go to using a wheelchair but because of the culture we live in that constantly tells us to overcome our limitations she was scared, but if we are able to live with our limitations we can find happiness in them rather than feeling the negative feelings that comes with it (102). One of my favorite quotes shared the lesson in giving up the myth of control. “If you believe you are in control of your life, steering it in a course of your choosing, then old age is an affront, because it is a destination you didn’t choose. But if you think of life instead as an improvisation in response to the stream of events coming at you- that is, a response to the world as it is – then old age is more another chapter in a long-running story” (144). This hit me because of how much I try to control my life and I am so easily disappointed when something doesn’t go the way I thought it would. It doesn’t need to be like that. If we rescale our expectations to what the world is and find happiness in our turmoil rather than waiting for it to be fixed or fight against these expectations maybe we really can find happiness in our current circumstance even if it feels like we would rather not (145,178). John, the author, shared that we need to be happy “in spite of” not happy “if only.” We can’t get everything we hope for, but we do already have so much. If our mindset changed to I’m happy in spite of these circumstances instead of I’d be happy if only this wasn’t happening, it would allow us to focus on those small things that bring happiness. When you think of it – there will always be something that could make you unhappy if you focus on it. The same goes for happy too if you choose to focus on those things instead (114). 3. Remember the Positives of the Past When I read this quote, I was so excited because this is something I already do! I often get weird looks when people ask me to tell them about something bad that happened in the past and I honestly can’t remember so I was so excited to see that other people do this too. It really does make me happier and it looks like it helps others too. The quote is about John and Fred: “John remembered the positive emotional experiences but not the negative ones. As with Fred, he constructed reasons to be happy from the resources available to him, notwithstanding the hardships that might have crushed him” (37). Even though that second part might relate more to the point above, I still wanted to add it because I thought it was so good. 4. Remember What Really Matters There is so much in life we can focus on, but we don’t have to have our whole life centered on things that don’t bring us joy. John shared at the end that “politics matter, of course, as do money and health. But they aren’t the makings of a life well lived. At some point in your travels they’ll probably fail you. The good things in life- happiness, purpose, contentment, companionship, beauty, and love – have been there all along. We don’t need to earn them. Good food, friends, art, warmth, worth – these are things we already have. We just need to choose them as our lives” (232). Especially in today’s world it is so easy to get wrapped up in things that matter, but they aren’t what makes life worth living and bring joy. Maybe we need to take a step back and remember that. Overall, I think my favorite part of the book is that each elder had their OWN way to find happiness. There is no right way to do it because it matters based on what makes YOU happy. They really had so much to learn from and I am beyond grateful to learn their lessons when I have so much more life ahead of me and can find happiness now – because why wait to “when I retire” or “when I get that job.” Nah, happiness can start right now. Lastly, I just wanted to share something I really appreciated that the author wrote. He addresses that this does not include depression and that depression calls for professional care not just a change of attitude. Nothing in here is an alternative to treatment even though some things could be beneficial in addition to it. If you feel you have depression, please don’t be afraid to reach out. Happiness isn’t just something you can choose for everyone and if that is you, so many people want to help you and most importantly remember you are loved. Make sure to get the book (click below to take you right to Amazon) ;) If you read it please message me or comment below and tell me what you thought of the book and maybe how it changed your life too! Note: The numbers at the end of the quotes/ sentences are the pages where you can find this information in John Leland’s book: "Happiness is a Choice You Make."
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August 2022
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